What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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