I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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