Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
