Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
