So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
