Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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