Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
