I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
