Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
