I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
