I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
