i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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