i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
