Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
this boner is exhausting
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
