I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
