; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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