OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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