If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
