im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
