if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
