I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
