he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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