I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
