Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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