My friends, they love my intelligence
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
