Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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