He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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