I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You smell like stripper and shame
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
