you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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