I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Houston, we have a blender
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
