just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
