I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
