i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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