I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
