i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
