Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
