Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
