She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
