omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i love accidental penises.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
