my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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