i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
