I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
