I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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