he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it's great music for shaving your balls
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize