she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
