I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
