I met the friendliest cop last night
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
