oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
