i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
