just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
