shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
