Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
