i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
