Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
