Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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