hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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